How to Support Children Coping With Back to School Grief

The back-to-school season often brings new supplies, fresh routines, and the excitement of seeing friends again. But for families living with grief, this time of year can also stir up pain, anxiety, and a deep sense of absence. Social media fills with smiling “first day” photos, yet your child—or you—might be feeling something very different.

Grief doesn’t pause for the school calendar. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, a divorce, or another major life change, returning to school can highlight who or what is no longer here.

Understanding the Impact of Children and Grief

Children and teens experience grief in ways that can affect learning, behaviour, and friendships. Because they don’t always have the words to describe their feelings, grief often shows up in other ways. A grieving student may:

• Struggle with Concentration: The cognitive load of grief can make it difficult for students to focus on schoolwork. Once easy subjects may suddenly feel insurmountable, leading to frustration and a drop in grades.

• Withdraw Socially: Students might pull away from friends because they feel different or fear being judged for their grief. Social isolation can increase feelings of loneliness and depression.

• Show Behavioural Changes: Some students might act out in class as a way to express their pain, while others may become unusually quiet or withdrawn. These changes are often cries for help and should be met with understanding rather than punishment.

• Feel Anxious or Fearful: The return to school can trigger fears about the safety of themselves or other loved ones. These anxieties might manifest as separation anxiety in younger children or general anxiety about the future in older students.

What Parents and Teachers Can Do

Supporting grieving students doesn’t mean “fixing” the grief—it means creating safety, understanding, and tools for coping.

1. Open up space for feelings

   • At home: family check-ins or a “feelings jar.”

   • At school: one-on-one check-ins or brief emotional literacy activities.

   • Reflection question: How do you invite your child to share what’s on their heart?

2. Prepare the school environment

   • Let teachers know about the loss.

   • Offer flexible deadlines, quiet spaces, or simple compassion during tough moments.

3. Encourage coping strategies

   • Deep breathing, journaling, comfort objects, or short breaks.

   • Example: A Grade 7 student carried a keychain from her dad—holding it helped her feel safe during the day.

4. Lean on routine

   • Predictability creates security. Anchoring mornings and evenings can reduce overwhelm.

5. Use learning as expression

   • Writing, art, or projects can provide healthy outlets for grief.

6. Build a circle of support

   • Teachers, counsellors, peer groups, or community grief programs.

7. Keep an eye on mental health

   • Watch for signs of prolonged depression or anxiety. Early help matters.

   
   

If You’re a Parent Who’s Grieving Too

Supporting your child while grieving yourself is heavy. The return to routine may sharpen your own sense of loss. A few gentle reminders:

• Acknowledge your grief. It's okay to let your child see that you are grieving too. Modelling healthy grief can teach them that it's normal and okay to express their emotions.

• Reach for support. Don't hesitate to reach out for help, whether from friends, family, or a professional counsellor. Taking care of your own emotional needs is essential, as it allows you to support your child better.

• Create new traditions. If certain back-to-school traditions feel too painful, consider creating new ones that honour your loved one or reflect the changes in your family. This can help reframe the school year in a more manageable way.

• Stay connected with school. Regular communication with your child's teachers and counsellors can help you stay informed about how they are coping in the school environment. It also ensures that the school can alert you to any concerns.

Moving Forward Together

Grief is a journey, and the return to school is just one step along the way. While it can be a challenging time, it also offers opportunities for growth, resilience, and connection. By acknowledging the impact of grief and providing the necessary support, families and educators can help students navigate this transition with greater ease.

Remember, grief doesn't have a timeline, and each student's experience will be unique. By creating a compassionate and understanding environment, we can help grieving students find their way back to a sense of normalcy while honouring the loss they carry with them.