5 Ways to Navigate Grief When You’re Struggling to Be Thankful This Thanksgiving

When Thanksgiving Doesn’t Feel Thankful: Navigating Grief During the Holidays

As my family and I plan our As my family plans our Thanksgiving gathering, I’m reminded of how complex this season can feel — especially for those grieving. While Thanksgiving is meant to bring connection and gratitude, grief doesn’t always leave room for either. When your heart is heavy with loss, feeling thankful can seem impossible.

This truth feels close to home for me, both personally and professionally. Over the years, I’ve seen how grief can cast a shadow over even the brightest holidays, making it difficult to join in the joy around us. If you’re in a place where celebrating feels like too much, please know you’re not alone — and what you choose to do is okay. There is no right or wrong way to move through this season.

Grief During Thanksgiving: It’s Okay Not to Feel Thankful

The expectation to feel grateful during Thanksgiving can weigh heavily on anyone experiencing loss. Our culture often urges us to “move on” or “be thankful for what we still have.” But grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it doesn’t disappear because a holiday arrives.

Whether you’ve recently lost a loved one, are facing a non-death loss, or navigating a major life change, your feelings — whatever they are — are completely valid. Gratitude and grief can coexist, but sometimes, grief simply takes up more space. And that’s okay.

Why Thanksgiving Can Be Especially Hard

Thanksgiving is built on togetherness, reflection, and tradition — the very things that can amplify absence. The empty seat at the table, the familiar recipe, the memories of simpler times — all of these can deepen the ache of what once was.

Even small moments can stir emotion: a song, a smell, or the sight of others gathered when your world feels changed. Many grieving people describe feeling “out of sync” with everyone else — watching joy from a distance. Social gatherings can bring discomfort or anxiety, especially when others expect you to smile or be thankful.

If that’s how this Thanksgiving feels for you, please know it’s a normal, human response to loss.

5 Ways to Navigate Grief This Thanksgiving

Instead of forcing yourself to feel thankful, try honouring your grief in ways that feel gentle and true for you. When gratitude feels out of reach, self-compassion becomes essential — it helps you acknowledge what’s real without judgment.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Grief brings a full range of emotions — sadness, anger, guilt, even moments of relief. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up without judgment. There’s no rule that says you have to force yourself to be thankful when you’re hurting. It’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused during this time. Recognizing these feelings is the first step towards healing.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. It’s completely normal not to feel thankful. Self-compassion helps soften the edges of pain and reminds you that your worth isn’t measured by how thankful you feel.

3. Set Boundaries: If certain gatherings or traditions feel overwhelming, it’s okay to say no. Protecting your mental and emotional well-being is not selfish — it’s necessary. Let others know what you need, and give yourself permission to decline activities that feel too much and simply rest if that's what you need most.

4. Create New Traditions: If old traditions bring more pain than comfort, consider changing them — even temporarily. Instead, consider new rituals that acknowledge your grief. Whether it’s lighting a candle for your loved one, journaling about your feelings, or simply taking quiet time for yourself, these small acts can bring comfort. And you can always change this next year.

5. Reach Out for Support: Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or grief counsellor. If you’re looking for grief counselling in London, Ontario, or virtual grief support, I offer one-on-one sessions to help you navigate holidays like this with compassion and care.

   
   

Grief is complex, and navigating it requires support and self-compassion. If you’re struggling with finding ways to cope, I recommend exploring the resources at What’s Your Grief, which offers practical tools and advice on handling loss. Additionally, understanding and practicing self-compassion can help you be gentler with yourself during this time. Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion provides research-based insights and exercises to foster kindness towards yourself, even when you’re feeling overwhelmed by grief.

Grief in Different Contexts: Navigating Thanksgiving Through Various Losses

When we think of grief, we often associate it primarily with the death of a loved one. Yet grief can emerge from many forms of loss — each one shaping how we experience connection, celebration, and gratitude. During holidays like Thanksgiving, these different types of grief often surface in unexpected ways. Recognizing the many contexts of loss helps us expand our understanding of grief and respond to ourselves (and others) with greater empathy.

Loss of a Loved One

The most familiar form of grief often follows the death of someone dear. During Thanksgiving, the absence of that person can be deeply felt. Their favourite chair might remain empty, or a familiar recipe might carry a bittersweet memory. The ache of missing them can make it difficult to join in the usual festivities, even when surrounded by others who care.

Divorce or Separation

Grief can also arise from the end of a relationship — through divorce, separation, or the slow fading of connection. Thanksgiving may highlight changed family dynamics, missing traditions, or the loneliness of celebrating alone. The loss of shared rituals and companionship can intensify feelings of sadness, longing, or displacement.

Loss of a Job or Career Transition

Job loss or a major career change can bring its own form of grief. Beyond the financial strain, there’s often a loss of identity, stability, or purpose. During a season centered around abundance, gratitude can feel far away when you’re navigating uncertainty or the fear of what comes next. For many, it’s not just the loss of income — it’s the loss of direction.

Loss of Health or Mobility

Chronic illness, injury, or reduced mobility can transform how someone participates in life — and in holiday traditions. What was once simple may now be exhausting or impossible. Thanksgiving can become a painful reminder of what can no longer be done, and it’s natural to feel frustration, grief, or longing for the freedom once taken for granted.

Loss of a Home or Sense of Security

Sometimes grief stems from losing a sense of safety or belonging — through eviction, foreclosure, or displacement. When Thanksgiving emphasizes family, comfort, and home, this type of loss can feel especially raw. Without a familiar space to gather, the holiday may bring feelings of instability or isolation.

No matter the form it takes, grief is the response to losing something meaningful — whether it’s a person, a place, or a sense of who you were before everything changed. Recognizing your specific type of loss can help you give language to your experience, and remind you that grief is not a sign of weakness — it’s a reflection of love, meaning, and change.

 Gratitude Can Look Different When You’re Grieving

Thanksgiving is often about gratitude for the “big” things, but grief has a way of changing how we see them. Instead of celebrating abundance, maybe this year gratitude looks quieter — and self-compassion takes centre stage.

Grief doesn’t cancel out gratitude; it simply reframes it. It invites us to find comfort and hope in unexpected places — in small, gentle moments that remind us we’re still connected to love, even through loss. Gratitude might show up as kindness toward yourself: taking a peaceful walk, enjoying a comforting meal, sitting with a supportive friend, or simply allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions arise.

Finding Strength in Self-Compassion  

Be gentle with yourself, whether you choose to take part in the holiday or spend it quietly reflecting. There is no “right” way to approach this season, and you don’t need to meet anyone’s expectations — including your own. Your feelings and choices are valid. Self-compassion is a powerful way to care for yourself while navigating the complexities of grief.

As we move through this season, remember that when gratitude feels far away, self-compassion becomes even more vital. Allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings without judgment and extend grace to yourself when the weight of grief feels heavy. Embracing self-compassion doesn’t erase the pain — it softens it, creating space for comfort, connection, and breath.

If you’re struggling this Thanksgiving, please know you don’t have to face it alone. I offer in-person and virtual grief counselling to help you process your loss and find your footing through difficult seasons.

You can also explore additional grief and self-compassion resources on my Resources Page, where you’ll find articles, workbooks, and tools to support you through grief, burnout, and emotional healing.

There is a way forward — and I’m here to walk alongside you.