Father’s Day and Grief: Reflections from a Grief Counsellor

As a grief counsellor, I’ve sat with many stories the past couple of weeks.

One client is facing her first Father’s Day without her dad, and the ache is still fresh. Another is navigating palliative care with her partner—trying to stay strong for their young children while quietly falling apart. A father, grieving the loss of his child, asked me, “Do I still count as a dad?” And then there are clients who won’t be reaching out at all—because their relationship with their father was painful, distant, or harmful.

These stories remind me: Father’s Day is not easy for everyone.

The Grief That Father’s Day Can Bring

For some, Father’s Day is joyful—a day of barbecue smoke, laughter, and cards with bad puns.But for others, it brings up loss, silence, longing, or complicated memories.

You might be grieving your father.

Or grieving the kind of relationship you never had with him.

You might be a father yourself, carrying the heartbreak of losing a child.

Or you're trying to hold your family together as your partner faces end-of-life care.

You might be wondering if you’re even allowed to feel what you’re feeling.

Let me reassure you: you are.

If You’ve Lost Your Dad

Whether your dad died recently or decades ago, this day can land hard.Grief doesn’t follow the calendar. It comes back in waves—through smells, songs, quiet mornings, and memories you didn’t know were still buried.

You might feel the urge to reach for the phone, only to remember there’s no one on the other end.You might feel nothing at all—and that’s okay too.

There’s no wrong way to grieve a parent.

If Your Relationship Was Estranged or Complex

Not all grief comes from death. Sometimes it comes from absence, silence, or harm.

Maybe your father was emotionally distant, unavailable, or caused you pain. Maybe he chose not to be part of your life. Or maybe you made the difficult decision to step away—for your safety, your peace, or your healing.

This too is a form of grief. You might be mourning not what was, but what should have been—a childhood that felt safe, a connection that never came, a father who could truly show up.

Estrangement often brings invisible pain. You might feel anger, guilt, numbness, or a deep ache that’s hard to name. You might hear others talk about “honouring your dad” and feel like there's no space for your truth.

You don’t have to explain your story.

You don’t have to justify your boundaries.

And you don’t need to feel ashamed if this day stings in a way that’s hard to explain.

Your experience is valid. Your pain is real. And you’re not alone in it.

If You’re a Father Who’s Lost a Child

This kind of grief can feel invisible. The world celebrates dads today, but it often forgets those whose children are no longer here.

So let me say this clearly: You are still a father.

Your love didn’t die with your child. It lives in your grief, in your memories, in the space that aches.

Whether your child died before they were born, as a baby, or later in life—your bond remains.

If You’re Trying to Hold It All Together

Maybe you're parenting through palliative care.

Maybe you’re raising kids without your co-parent.

Maybe you’re becoming the kind of dad you never had yourself.

These quiet acts of love and resilience matter deeply—even if they go unnoticed by the world.

The work of fathering—biological or not—takes strength, softness, and so much courage.

A Thought to Carry Into the Day

If Father’s Day feels tender, you’re not alone.Whether it brings joy, sorrow, numbness, or all of the above—your experience is real.

Take a moment today to give yourself what you wish a father had offered:

• Safety

• Encouragement

• Gentleness

• Pride in who you are becoming

You deserve that.

If You’re Needing Support

Grief doesn’t follow the calendar.If Father’s Day stirs something in you and you’d like to talk, I offer grief counselling—both in-person and virtual—for adults, seniors, and families navigating loss, trauma, and life’s hardest transitions.

Explore Grief Counselling Services

You don’t have to carry this alone.

🌐 Other resources:

• Canadian Virtual Hospice – Supporting Children Through a Parent’s Illness

• CMHA – Coping With Grief

• MyGrief.ca – Father’s Day Module